| you know why?
because i'm getting married.
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| i don't hate everything!
yay!
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| oh, everything's going crazy! mostly it's just alot of work and i'm
tired. not anything to the max, but detfinitely not my best self the
past few days. i want so much for my life to be full of so much
beautiful things, but instead i end up spending time feeling bad i
about not having done things that i honsetly didn't have time to.
i
know barbara's going to be mad at me for not having anythign to show in
class tomorrow, but i haven't had a moment to get anything physical-
it's all logistics so far. and i don't have crap to work on in tom's
class tonight, because i've been working all on my painting. and even
that i feel bad that i didn't spend more time on.
i know everything will be okay, and i will make pretty art, i just wish people wouldn't make me feel bad in the mean time.
i need just one good thing to think about! just one thing to be looking forward to, or be excited about!
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| only four weeks left of this semester. i'm excited, but i know that that's only the first part of this process. everything's going to get happening later, not now.
but last summer was good, and i think this summer will be too.
i'm going to be okay.
my flowers are coming up outside. mostly from last year, they reseeded themselves. which means the mint is spreading into the tomato space, and the morning glories are in the basil and marigolds space, adn the marigolds aren't up yet at all. the onions are doing just great though, when i thought they were dead. the irises might not actually ever become full grown, but i'm hopeful. i just like things sprouting and growing and flourishing, and it's exciting and doesn't take much work unless i'm really paritcular about where and how things are happening, which i'm not. i just enjoy coming home and seeing that some kind of random flower has sprouted up on our lawn and like picking them all to put in vases or dry, before the mowers come and take them all down.
i just want to garden my whole life. i want to be outdoors in the air and wind, and the soil in my fingernails. i want to hope, and be fulfilled- i hoped my sprouts would come up, and they did.
every once in a while, things die, but it's usually my fault, and they often grow back. i'm going to go out there and dig a bit now.
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